Something Feels Right

It was during his first feeding with us that Gunner began to figure out what was going on. He dropped his bottle, surveyed the situation, and expressed his feelings the only way he knows how.

Up until then, everyone was having a splendid time. Calvin and Nicol demonstrated consideration beyond their years at the office where we picked Gunner up this afternoon. They were so excited to see him and play with him and introduce themselves to him and even give him hugs and kisses. When the greetings and paperwork are complete and it's time to leave, the foster mother brings him to the elevator where our family is waiting with the door open. She hands him to Robin, the doors close, and that's it. Having missed the handoff, Calvin blurted out in a concerned voice, "Don't forget our baby!" as the elevator carried us irreversibly forward in time. I'm still not sure Gunner's new brother and sister grip the permanence of the situation, but for now they are thrilled to have a new baby brother.

Gunner was perfectly content to leave with the strange-looking, funny-talking bunch. We walked him a few blocks through the streets of Gangnam-gu (in Seoul) to our hotel. Finding our room still being serviced, we spread ourselves out in the hallway on our floor and played a little game, giving Gunner time to crawl around and inspect each of us one at a time. There was laughter on everyone's part.

Soon after, our room was ready for us and we moved the party in there. Calvin and Nicol really wanted to play with their brother. Nicol built a play nest for him consisting of blankets and some of her favorite toys. Calvin demonstrated the mechanics of playing with toy cars, even sharing one with Gunner (who quickly inserted it into his mouth).

Feeding time was interrupted by the sinking in of some reality, but it didn't take long for Gunner to cry himself to sleep for his afternoon nap. A few of us took this opportunity to make a smoothie run. Unfortunately for Gunner, when he awoke he found himself surrounded by the same disturbing faces he'd hoped were just a bad dream. His tears were off and on, but in the middle of it he began to warm up to me for some reason. He would stop crying as long as I held him. He felt comfortable enough to crawl around and explore again, but when I went into the bathroom and closed the door he freaked out. He pawed at the bathroom door through tears.

Tonight he fell asleep, amid more sobbing, on his grandfather's shoulder while Robin and I packed. He's sleeping soundly now, but we don't know for how long. In this moment, with Nicol, Calvin, and Gunner all filling the room with the sounds of their heavy slumber, something feels right.